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TUDDY TAKE: WEEK 12 TURKEY TIME

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Lucky for us there are three excellent football games to distract us from our family members rantings about politics, Kanye West and their impending indigestion. If Andrew Luck wasn’t missing the night game this would be a triple-header that will feature a lot of points scored as the tryptophan drips into your blood stream. So be safe, eat on, snore with reckless abandon and don’t forget to eat again at midnight to really hammer home how much you want to hate yourself all weekend.

On to the Week 12 Games!: Tuddy Game Picks Record: 40-30

VIKINGS AT LIONS

Fun Stat: Since 2000, the Lions are 5-11 in Thanksgiving games. They have won three in a row after losing nine straight. Since 2011, Matt Stafford’s numbers in Turkey Time:  114 for 179 (63.6%) for 1,498 yards (374.5 yards a game), 12 Tuddy’s and zero interceptions. That is good.

Keep an eye on: The Lions won the first game 22-16 in overtime thanks to crazy calls and 13 points scored by the Lions in the fourth and overtime session. Eric Ebron had seven receptions for 92 yards. Stefon Diggs, questionable to play, caught 13 passes.

people donald trump eating eat thanksgiving

What’s going to happen: Kick back Detroit, tradition tastes great this year- LIONS 23 VIKINGS 19

WASHINGTON D.C.’S AT COWBOYS

Fun Stat: Ezekiel Elliott has 1,102 rushing yards. It’s only Thanksgiving. According to NFL.com, Elliott ranks 8th in all of fantasy, more or less where he was drafted this year. Now that’s wish fulfillment from a rookie running back in fantasy.

Keep an eye on: This being a ridiculously high scoring game. Both defenses are pretty middle of the road. The offenses should light it up right around the time you’re reaching for seconds.

Spirited Away food thanksgiving dinner

What’s going to happen: Cowboys overpower a tired Washington team- COWBOYS 37 WASHINGTON 30

STEELERS AT COLTS

Fun Stat: Even though he’s missed some time this year, Ben Roesthlisberger is the 12th ranked player in fantasy and ninth among quarterbacks. The Colts defense has allowed 19 touchdowns to opposing QB’s.

Keep an eye on: Andrew Luck not playing after being placed in concussion protocol. Its always fun watching a team descend into chaos when they play without their franchise quarterback. Pittsburgh needs a few breaks to get their mojo back and make a playoff push.

baby tired sleeping sleepy

What’s going to happen: Big Ben hits the Colts hard early and everybody’s sleeping by the second half- STEELERS 35 COLTS 17

TITANS AT BEARS

Fun Stat: Marcus Mariota has thrown two plus touchdowns in his last seven games and is now the number four player in all of fantasy. Jordan Howard has four 100+ yard rushing games this season. Matt Barkley has thrown six professional interceptions. HE HAS NEVER THROWN A SINGLE NFL TOUCHDOWN!!!!

Keep an eye on: How bad it can get for the Bears. I mean, this could like get like Major League-Spring-Training-Montage-Bad. If the Colts lose on Thursday, the Titans can get right back into the AFC South hunt.

angry the office screaming dwight rainn wilsondrinking bill murray happy hour groundhog day alcoholicsports football nfl thanksgiving new england patriots

What’s going to happen: Titans roll. The Bears are a walking corpse. Cue the Tuddy tears- TITANS 29 BEARS 9

JAGUARS AT BILLS

Fun Stat: The Bills have allowed only 11 passing touchdowns this season. Blake Bortles has as many touchdowns (9) in the fourth quarter than he has thrown in any of the first three quarters. Allen Robinson has the sixth most fantasy points among receivers in the last four games.

Keep an eye on: Sammy Watkins may return from injured reserve. Otherwise, its the game show ‘Who can fuck up this game up more!?’ with your hosts Gus Bradley and Rex Ryan!!!. Time to whip out the “Fuck Up!” stick Blake Bortles! All hail the King of Garbage Yards.

America's Got Talent hot fire ouch tongue

What’s going to happen: The Jaguars will not be trusted the rest of the year- BILLS 26 JAGUARS 16

BENGALS AT RAVENS

Fun Stat: The Ravens are close to dead last in third down conversions on offense. The Bengals aren’t much better, ranked 22nd. The Bengals have been vulnerable giving up points to opposing running backs.

Keep an eye on: How the hell the Bengals score points. They will be severely undermanned on offense against a Ravens defense that can be tough on quarterbacks. All that optimism in Cincinnati from the preseason now all just seems like…..

fail man ouch swimming glass

What’s going to happen: No points? No problem. Just the way the Ravens like it- RAVENS 17 BENGALS 13

CARDINALS AT FALCONS

Fun Stat: David Johnson is the number five player in fantasy. Like Elliott, he has delivered on his first round fantasy draft status. Julio Jones leads all  NFL receivers with 1,105 yards.

Keep an eye on: Carson Palmer’s accuracy. How do the Cardinals respond during a week where their coach went to the hospital and their quarterback is throwing awful Pick 6’s in the red zone? Is Julio Jones back to 100% health?

NFL football arizona cardinals carson palmer

What’s going to happen: Carson Palmer, try as he might, is running out of gas- FALCONS 34 CARDINALS 27

GIANTS AT BROWNS

Fun Stat: Terrelle Pryor is the 13th ranked wide receiver in fantasy. He has 101 targets, fifth in the NFL. The Browns defense has allowed 25 passing touchdowns, most in the NFL.

Keep an eye on: The Browns may win one before its all said and done. The Giants are 7-3, but its a very questionable 7.  The defense needs to earn its offseason paychecks and wrap this game up early. Odell having a HUGE game.

gene wilder willy wonka and the chocolate factory You lose

What’s going to happen: Close, but no cigar Cleveland- GIANTS 27 BROWNS 21

49ERS AT DOLPHINS

Fun Stat: The 49ers defense has scored six fantasy points. ALL SEASON. The Dolphins are tied for the worst in third down conversions. Last week Colin Kaepernick threw 10 straight incompletions. Ryan Tannenhill is 22nd in fantasy points among QB’s.

Keep an eye on: Don’t. Just don’t watch this game. Sure, you have Jay Ajayi and you’re pushing for the playoffs. Punishing your body on Thanksgiving and then subjecting your soul to this is just masochistic. It’s just wrong.

MLB.com fail mlb baseball ouch

What’s going to happen- The 49ers defense is atrocious. Based off that- DOLPHINS 24 49ERS 21

CHARGERS AT TEXANS

Fun Stat: Melvin Gordon is the fifth best fantasy running back this season. Who would’ve thought coming into the season the Chargers defense would have more fantasy points than the Texans D?

Keep an eye on: Phillip Rivers will put up numbers. Then he will lose. Lamar Miller and Melvin Gordon will each put up strong fantasy stat lines. Brock Osweiller, somehow, will play one of his best games of the year.

broncos

What’s going to happen: The Chargers fall short and the Texans get a must win at home and keep their distance from the streaking Titans– TEXANS 25 CHARGERS 24

SEAHAWKS AT BUCCANEERS

Fun stat: In the last four weeks, Russell Wilson has the fifth most fantasy points in football. Jameis Winston has scored the eighth most. The Buccaneers defense has allowed 20 passing touchdowns. The Seahawks have allowed eight.

Keep an eye on: Doug Baldwin is doing that Doug Baldwin thing where he wakes up and destroys everything in his path in the second half of the season. He’s the third best fantasy receiver this past month. Just saying…………

page forum vs wilson russell

What’s going to happen: The Seahawks are beginning to look like title contenders. But how many more running backs can they lose? It doesn’t matter this week as Wilson continues his pursuit from ‘fantasy hot’ en route towards ‘fantasy boiling hot’- SEAHAWKS 34 BUCCANEERS 20

PATRIOTS AT JETS

Fun stat: The Jets offense gives up the most fantasy points to opposing teams.

Keep an eye on: Ryan Fitzpatrick back at quarterback. How Brandon Marshall reacts to rumors that he’ll be cut this offseason. Can Matt Forte keep the Jets in this game? Whether Tom Brady will send more targets rookie burner Malcolm Mitchell’s way. Can the Patriots defense look good against anyone?

NFL celebrate patriots new england patriots tom brady

What’s going to happen: The game stays close for the first half but Brady makes too many plays in the second- PATRIOTS 36 JETS 23

PANTHERS AT RAIDERS

Fun Stat: Pretty sure the Tuddy Guys have picked the Panthers to win almost every week this season. Conversely, pretty sure we’ve picked against the Raiders in an effort to bring them back to earth. We’re so smart!

Keep an eye on: How the Panthers defense responds after the scary Luke Kuechly injury the week before. Amari Cooper is a beast and wonderful to watch. Also keep tabs on what kind of crazy decisions Jack Del Rio will make that magically keep turning out in his favor.

America's Funniest Home Videos fail fall falling trash

What’s going to happen: Breaking trends? Reverse Jinxes? The Raiders win- RAIDERS 40 PANTHERS 31

CHIEFS AT BRONCOS

Fun Stat: The Broncos have allowed 1,053 rushing yards to opposing teams, third worst in the NFL. The Chiefs have allowed 11 rushing touchdowns.

Keep an eye on: Who controls the clock. Who converts third downs. Who doesn’t make mistakes in the red zone. Who scores touchdowns, not field goals.

fail kid jumping ouch dad

What’s going to happen: Trevor Semien out duels Alex Smith. Whatever the fuck that means- BRONCOS 20 CHIEFS 16

PACKERS AT EAGLES

Fun Stat: Despite the 4-6 start, Aaron Rodgers is the number one player in fantasy. He has 28 total touchdowns. Rookie Carson Wentz is the 23rd ranked quarterback in fantasy.

Keep an eye on: The Eagles have Wendell Smallwood at running back. That’s it. The Packers will try and jam Christine Michael into the clusterfuck that is the Packers running game. This game will be decided on whether Philly’s defense can bottle up Aaron Rodgers.

America's Funniest Home Videos funny lol fail ouch

What’s going to happen: Sadly for Cheeseheads, Aaron Rodgers can’t also play defense. EAGLES 30 PACKERS 20

 

TUDDY TAKE: 100% ACCURATE NFL PICKS BY CHRIS CAROSI

LIONS AT VIKINGS

I feel like every Detroit game turns into a shootout because Matthew Stafford has a trebuchet for an arm and the Lions defense is absolute 100% trash. They enter a game against the Vikings who have the number-one overall defense. My gut is like, “what happens when the unstoppable thingy meets the irresistible thing-thing” and my head says, “I don’t really care who wins this game.” The answer, of course, is Minnesota.

door ouch smash glass doordoor prank glassfail glass door coffee walking window – Vikings 2, Lions 0

EAGLES AT GIANTS

Oh these NFC East games are so tiring. Look this up – every single goddamn NFC East division game the last 10 years has the score 27-23. I can hear Joe Buck right now and he’s pretending to be shocked that Carson Wentz throws that interception in the third quarter and then the Giants fumble the ball in the red zone and then Darren Sproles gains 18 yards twice and I am asleep.

cat funny cat          – Eagles 27, Giants 23

JETS AT DOLPHINS

These teams are the reason the earth is slowly dying and its animals are going extinct. Miami has some top talent on both sides of the ball but bad coaching and, please remember, couldn’t even win with living-legend Dan Marino. The Jets are caught in a media death spiral that involves Ryan Fitzpatrick getting re-signed to no fanfare, getting benched, complaining, playing behind Geno Smith (!), getting back on the field, winning, and then complaining again that he was benched. The only reason I know this is because the sad Jets get the same media scrutiny as Donald Trump. No team should have to expose their depravity every millisecond every day like the Jets do. They should be the ones in Vegas. The Jets and their fans need a goddamn vacation.

mrw person vacuum amish        – Dolphins 30, Jets 13

JAGUARS AT CHIEFS

The Chiefs too have a similar narrative the last few years: a very solid team with injury trouble. It’s not very fair at all. The Chiefs have been, going back to the days of Dick Vermeil and Marty Schottenheimer before him, the undisputed king of mediocre football. They have so much good will and nothing to show for it. No Super Bowl appearances since the Moon Landing. That one game where no one punted. Trent Green. If they played in a large market, they would be the ones with all those negative headlines about winning meaningless games in November, like this one, and subsequently losing their offense (who are already backups) to injury in the process. This game will be blacked out.

Cheezburger football kansas city chiefs sports fail    – Chiefs ?, Jaguars ?

COWBOYS AT BROWNS

This would be the Browns-upset game of the year but the Dak Prescott/Ezekiel Elliott momentum train is so effervescent and ineluctable right now I just can’t bring myself to pick against the Cowboys. This is another reminder to get Terrelle Pryor off the waiver wire right now.  Also, aren’t you kind of interested to see how bad it can get in Cleveland? It’s like peeking into the machinery of hell. What is next? Will they just keep gathering draft picks like a hoarder? There’s stacks of last year’s mail and pots & pans filled with urine in that front office!

no the office steve carell michael scott no god no         – Cowboys 31, Terrelle Pryor 14

STEELERS AT RAVENS

The Steelers, to one-up the Patriots, actually are the ones with the best luck in the league right now. Why, you ask? They lost their best player for two weeks, have played all-time bad defense, and no one else in their division has won since. The Steelers are still in first place. I feel like no one has noticed this. I just said it on the Internet so now, of course, a fly will land in Ben’s Tomato Soup at a restaurant tomorrow and he’ll try to call the waiter over and sprain his knee as his 900-pound arm goes across his body. The last time a backup QB for the Steelers played the Ravens, Charlie Batch led his team to a thrilling victory and I ran straight through the television. Every man, woman, and child on Earth was my best friend that fine day.

culturehug jim carrey the cable guySaturday Night Live snl high five adam sandler chris farley

– Steelers win by 1 point, you pick the score.

SAINTS AT 49ERS

One thing I appreciate about the Saints is that, no matter how they bad they are, their games remain watchable. This is because Drew Brees is an American treasure. He’s 5’5”, 37-years-old, and still plays the game fearlessly with a 1-second release. This game also will give me a tiny dopamine shot just by seeing the uniform match-ups on the field. Look at all that goooollllllllddddddd.

dancing gold lebron james suit lebron          – Saints 45, 49ers 38

PANTHERS AT RAMS

Another old NFC West contest. God the Rams suck. I mean, they have won some games here and there and they do have some talent on defense including all-time great ‘Pitt Panther’ Aaron Donald. But there is so much to root against. The QB situation, Jeff Fisher, their ownership, inability to block for Todd Gurley, the lack of water (!) at their stadium. Fuck the Rams. But, what’s this? They are winning this game?! Upset special?! No, the Panthers lose games now, remember?

cam newton super bowl 2016        – Rams 20, Panthers 3

COLTS AT PACKERS

It’s time to just give up on the Packers, and let them just work things out, okay? It’s just not worth it anymore to figure out what to do with them. Underrated storyline with Green Bay this year is the Favre-ing of Aaron Rodgers. The Favre-ening? The longer he plays, the more he just looks TOO relaxed out there, doing weird gallop side-stepy moves in the pocket and shovel-passing for 30 yards while winking at a linebacker. It’s ridiculous. Perhaps it’s the Olivia Munn-ing of Aaron Rodgers? One thing that is great about this game is that no one knows who will win it for god’s sake! I for one am going to pick against the Packers because someone has to at some point.

football nfl mariah carey hero green bay packers         – Colts 25, Packers 24

TITANS AT CHARGERS

Andre Johnson retired last week. It makes me sad. What a great player lost on mediocre teams all those years. In honor of his career as a fantasy stud despite never having a quarterback, I’ll pick the Titans who go into the weekly high-tension movie of the week known as How the Fuck Can the Chargers Have a Close Crazy Game for the Tenth Week in a Row 2 Revenge of the Shrek As Furious.

nfl -kickoff coverages history of the 32 in 32- 32 in 32 houston texans andre johnsonaw yeah

– Titans 68, Chargers 67, all points scored by San Diego in the 4th quarter

BRONCOS AT RAIDERS

Game of the week. Easily. This is for the division crown right now and typing that makes me feel so good. The Raiders are back and this is their first real test of the season. A great test for the Raiders offense really, and also the Broncos get to do whatever the hell it is they do sometimes. Got to go Raiders here, just so I can feel alive, baby!

jim carrey its alive       – Raiders 21, Broncos 20

BILLS AT SEAHAWKS

This is going to be a good game. Anyone else notice how the Seahawks are the Chargers of the NFC this year? Every game they play is down-to-the-wire, butthole-puckering madness. What’s the deal? Every team plays that much better against them now? I miss the old AFC Seahawks – those were good times. What a crap franchise they were for so long. Their old logo looked like a sad bird watching the sun set after another gloomy Seattle Monday, they wore bright blue and green, played in a weird dark indoor stadium, and their all-time greatest player was Steve Largent. My hope is that I can successfully start Jimmy Graham on a week he gets a lot of fantasy points. Nothing else matters. Not my job, my health, my marriage. This. Jimmy Graham. Love you always. Sincerely, Chris.

funny cat cat laugh way make      – Seahawks 88 (for you, Jimmy), Bills 20

thank you for checking out tuddyguys.com! Special thanks to Chris Carosi for contributing to the Tuddy Team! Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and Like our facebook page Tuddy Guys to check out our past episodes (more on the way!) NOW GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!!!!!!!!

TUDDY TAKE: MIDSEASON REPORT BY CHRIS CAROSI

Fantasy football was invented in Oakland, CA in 1963! Look it up. This group of loveably smart and (what I imagine to be) beer-loving fat guys called themselves the Pigskin Prognosticators. If they were around now they would, no doubt, be drinking IPAs like no one’s business. And it is helpful to remember how this whole thing started when you’re drafting a team or even dropping & adding players from the waiver wire as the season progresses. It’s all about guesswork and light research.  I mean, that’s the best you can really do. It is perfectly okay to go balls deep into every overly long Matthew Berry ESPN article or purchase that Pro Football Focus PDF or learn the names of kickers. To me, it usually comes back to just “well who has the best chance to perform well in that particular team environment against this other particular team on this particular week.” And that’s it.  Sure, you might start Marvin Jones on the wrong week but is that worse than most things in life? No. And yeah you might have no running backs right now but . . . no one has any running backs, man. Okay, at least 3 people in your league have good running backs, but all those guys are getting hurt by Week 10 so who cares.

no cake blow injuries

Let’s talk football. There are currently 14 teams above .500, 3 teams at .500, and 15 teams below .500. The NFL disgusts me with how even-handed it is! How did they figure this out? The only teams unaffected by the league’s parity are New England and Cleveland, and both of those stories are so boring I can’t even get angry or happy about it anymore.

I’ve been following the NFL since I could form memories and I’ve finally reached the point where I realize that any form of perceived chaos shall return to stasis. There is no grand change, only the semblance of it. Whatever wild hype you can start in the offseason (I’m looking at you, “Jacksonville will be good” prognosticators), will eventually be proven false. All directions are the same direction. 

So before I stare into the void (while also providing some stone-cold 100% correct picks) let’s share five revelations from the 2016 season so far and attempt to feel real emotions.

1. The Panthers are probably pretty bad. 

I feel bad about this one. One of the things that’s fun about a league as over-analyzed as the NFL is rooting against a mainstream storyline that is being sold to their thick fan base of white supremacists. The “Cam is a sore loser” narrative is worthless and exploitative of a dude who plays the most important position on the field in an entertaining way. But what is worse than having to deal with the narrative as a fan when Cam loses? It’s the Panthers losing to EVERYONE and us having to see him pout all over the news. Terrible. I don’t like this. 

homer eating weekend lazy couch potato      CHAOS SCALE: Man from couch: “Hey, football player carrying the ball, don’t take big hits!”

 

2.     The Vikings are probably really good.

The way the Vikings tragically lost their mediocre franchise quarterback and remain extra solid with another mediocre franchise quarterback plucked from the dry cleaners in Philadelphia proves that they knew their defense was balls-out amazing and that they could win the NFC North no problem because *looks at rest of NFC North* they are the only team not made of sticks and glue. It’s exactly what Denver did last year except Denver was playing in a division twice as competitive.  Vikings are it. Mark my words. If you still don’t believe, think on this: Who can challenge them in the playoffs? Seattle! Yeah, sure. And … that’s it, buddy. Vikings are NFC Championship or bust. The class of each conference is who can play defense. People lose sight of that far too much.

football nfl vikings smh no way      CHAOS SCALE – Who is Minnesota’s backup quarterback?

 

3.     The Raiders should clearly be America’s Team

Look at the AFC standings right now.  It looks how it looks every fucking year since 2005, except one thing. The Oakland Raiders are in the top 6. The Raiders are a small-market team, so the fact that they are doing this (playing winning football and being relevant for the first time since 2002!) is not covered in the same way as, say, the Cowboys having two good quarterbacks as some kind of problem or the Giants being on national television every weekend. This is a crime. The Raiders are one of the staple teams in the league and (to me) represent the NFL at its best. I say this as a Steelers fan mind you, so I am biased. Reaching back to the 70’s is part of my DNA.

But still. The Raiders being good again is a wonderful thing. There are only four kinds of hatred I feel as a Steeler fan: Patriots hatred (as above, getting boring at this point, and it’s in some ways like hating patriotism itself), Cowboys hatred (also boring and really how are the Cowboys anything but harmless?), Ravens hatred (more like feisty respect), and Raiders hatred which makes me feel ALIVE. It’s live and die by the pirate sword football. Bring back the good Raiders! For the record, I shall not hate the Bengals until they win a playoff game in the 21st Century. Hate is too strong an emotion for their bullshit.

       CHAOS SCALE – Oh shit the Raiders are moving to Vegas soon.

4. The NFL is run by a Puritan hierarchy that can’t decide if a player dancing is worse than or equally as penalty-worthy as a player getting hit square in the skull.

The NFL is the best in the world at selling its product. Why can’t they decide if they will protect the players who are the product?

I guess this point isn’t actually shocking but I feel it needs to be said more and more by the fans. Maybe Roger Goodell’s dominatrix needs to back it off just little bit and inspire him to work for something that matters? I just don’t know. At this point, the only thing that would definitely make the change effective is outlawing pads & helmets altogether. I want to know the rate of concussion and CTE among rugby players. Has to be lower, right? No armored human missiles, no huge hits anymore. This is a bad, bad conundrum.

punch  CHAOS SCALE – Please enjoy this head-knocking version of the NFL while it lasts.

5. The NFL playoffs will again feature a bad team hosting a playoff game on Wild Card weekend.

Maybe this isn’t that shocking either. Look back at those standings – there is some awful shit going in the AFC this year. Houston or *gasps deeply* Tennessee will most definitely have a home playoff game this year to a better team and get soundly beaten on national television. That team most likely being Kansas City or Oakland. This is just sad, and it’s Houston’s only legacy at this point. I don’t remember this ever being a thing years back. All 12 playoff-qualifying teams would have, annually, 10 wins or higher. The sad part is that the odds of a team like Houston running the table are very low, and it becomes a very weird annual exercise to see a team make the playoffs and get decimated.

The odds of a fifth or sixth seed team running the table are much higher in the AFC – that doesn’t make any sense. It’s as if the NFL sews underdog storylines into the playoff format! Goddamn bastards! The rebuttal here is that a Wild Card team running the table will always be more entertaining from an objective point of view anyway so who cares. And those Wild Card teams who won championships – including the ’97 Broncos, the ’05 Steelers, the ’07 Giants (most famously), and the 2010 Packers – are very memorable indeed.

Cheezburger sports peace tom brady peace sign    CHAOS SCALE – Ugh just give the fucking Patriots the Lamar Hunt trophy. Happiness is a sham and I hate myself.

thank you for checking out tuddyguys.com. Special thanks to Tuddy Teammate and published author Chris Carosi for contributing this piece ! Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and Like our facebook page Tuddy Guys for upcoming episodes! NOW GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!

TUDDY TAKE: DEEP WEEK 6

It’s weird week fantasy freaks! Out of division match-ups abound. The worst defenses against some of the most mediocre of quarterbacks. Prepare to get it wrong. Prepare to be surprised. Prepare to watch anything besides Titans/Browns.

BYE WEEKS : VIKINGS, BUCCANEERS

LAST WEEKS TUDDY PICKS: 7-7 . OVERALL SEASON TUDDY PICKS:  32-26.

Let’s get to the games:

49ERS AT BILLS

Suddenly, this game has more juice than anyone could have ever imagined. Grandmother’s know who Colin Kaepernick is now. The last time he was fantasy relevant, ‘Blurred Lines’ was popular and Aaron Hernandez hadn’t murdered anyone  yet. As far as we know. McCoy is having an awesome year, but so has the 49ers Carlos Hyde. He’s been as consistent as they come and he’s finding the end zone. Both run defenses are soft. Quarterbacks struggle in this game but the winner of the ground game wins. Slight edge to Shady. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Carlos Hyde, Lesean McCoy.

music video robin thicke pharrell williams blurred lines elle evans      “Sheep, tell the waiter what you want….. No, I’m not ordering for you, look at him and tell the nice man what you….Sheep……..ugh, he’ll order don’t worry….SHEEP! Tell the nice man what you….look at me….tell him…tell……….”

BILLS 27 49ERS 23

EAGLES AT WASHINGTON D.C.’s

In terms of dramatics, this game may offer more than Eddie Redmayne’s acting. Both teams will score on each other at will in this division rivalry. These are the types of games that show Eagles fans what they may have in Carson Wentz. These are the types of games that may remind Washington what they’re stuck with. The winner of the turnover battle wins this game. This does not trend well for Kirk Cousins. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Ryan Matthews, Jordan Matthews, Matt Jones.

eddie redmayne mila kunis jupiter ascending jupiter jones tw violencemovies film eddie redmayne gesture i dont know

EAGLES 23 WASHINGTON 20

BROWNS AT TITANS

Marcus Mariota may be entering a hot streak. After a huge fantasy day last week check out this cupcake schedule for the next month: Browns (4th),  Colts (5th), Jaguars (6th), Chargers (7th). Those numbers in parenthesis are where those teams rank in the category of most fantasy points given up to quarterbacks. The Browns allow just under 300 yards passing a game and have allowed 13 passing Tuddy’s. On the offensive side the Brownies are currently hosting  a radio contest to see who their quarterback will be this weekend. Every 100th caller can decide between being the Browns starting quarterback or a lifetime supply of chinese finger traps. Currently the finger traps are sold out. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Marcus Mariota, Demarco Murray, Delanie Walker, Isiah Crowell.

movies film christina ricci 1991 the addams family       The inner bondage of being a Browns fan.

TITANS 34 BROWNS 13

RAVENS AT GIANTS

The Giants defense has been tough on opposing wide receivers. The Ravens and Joe Flacco are still shaking the cobwebs out after breaking the spell Marc “Offensive Genius Wizard” Trestman had over the organization. The Ravens offense is 22nd in total yards per game and Flacco is averaging 5.94 yards per pass attempt (30th in the league). The Giants haven’t been much better. Since Week 1, Eli has thrown 3 interceptions and only two Tuddy’s in four games. He’s completed 43 of 80 passes in his last two. Eli’s in the Fantasy Doghouse right now. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Terrence West, Odell Beckhams Jr. (Because you still have to).

pretty little liars pll lucy hale aria montgomery aria    “Ma’m, you’ve got Eli Manning waiting on the Fantasy Hot Line…….”

GIANTS 17 RAVENS 13

PANTHERS AT SAINTS

Cam is back. Brees is at home. Let’s hit the stats to hammer home the “Must Play Brees at Home” preseason theory: Two Home Games: seven Tuddy’s, one interception, 799 yards 66.7% completion percentage. Two Road games: three Tuddy’s, two interceptions, 470 yards, 64% completion percentage. The Panthers D has been good minus getting sent through the Julio Jones wood chipper two weeks ago. Nobody would have guessed BOTH of these teams would be 1-4. Panthers find a way. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Brandin Cooks, Drew Brees, Mark Ingram, Cam Newton, Kelvin Benjamin, Greg Olsen.

Brees nfl smooth saints “Fantasy customer service, this is Drew Brees. Home games? Uh, yeah, I think I kind of like them.”

PANTHERS 30 SAINTS 27

JAGUARS AT BEARS

The Jags have given up seven Tuddy’s to opposing wide receivers. The Bears are at home and if T.Y. Hilton gave them problems last week, the speed of Allen Hurns and Allen Robinson should burn the Bears at least twice. The saving grace is that its impossible to figure out which Blake Bortles is going to show up. He sucks in the first half, he overthrows in the second half. Look for a boring first half and some big plays shake loose in the second. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Brian Hoyer, Allen Robinson, Jordan Howard, Allen Hurns.

mrw bear jello charades grizzly     Typed in “Grizzly Bears”. This came up.

BEARS 20 JAGUARS 16

RAMS AT LIONS

The Lions haven’t given up a rushing Tuddy yet. Is there a more disappointing top ten fantasy pick than Todd Gurley? He’s been boom, he’s been bust he’s on pace for less than 1,000 yards rushing. Crying yet? He’s averaging 2.7 yards per carry. It isn’t that he isn’t getting the touches, he’s getting 21 a game. Trade him now fantasy freaks! FANTASY THUMBS UP: Matt Stafford, Theo Riddick, Marvin Jones Jr.

GIPHY Originals screaming enough yell ari spoolscreaming horrified disgusted terrified married with children     Todd Gurley’s Fantasy Stats.

LIONS 24 RAMS 16

STEELERS AT DOLPHINS

This game, historically, may seem like a weird one. But the Dolphins give it up in the air. Big time. The Steelers live in the air. Big Ben already has 15 passing Tuddy’s and Leveon Bell is back and better than ever. The Steelers nauseatingly keep finding wide receivers-welcome to fantasy land Sammie Coates! Yes, its out of the division and yes its hurricane season. But the Steelers are good enough on offense to continue to cruise. Big Ben is flush in the middle of the hottest streak of his career. Flush on Big Ben. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Ben Roethlisberger, Antonio Brown, Leveon Bell, Sammie Coates, Isiah Crowell.

batman forums dark steelers knight          Boomin’ in Miami. Buenvenidos a Miami.

STEELERS 37 DOLPHINS 20

BENGALS AT PATRIOTS

The Bengals have problems. They just got gashed by Zeke and the Cowboys and now they get the fire breathing dragon Brady. ESPN’s favorite son returns to Foxboro to a frothing throng of sports horny Boston fans. The Bengals are reeling and this is, well, bad timing. The two headed tight end monster flexed hard last week with Martellus Bennett and Rob Gronkowski. Flex Week continues in Week 6. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Martellus Bennett, James White.

chuck norris            Tom Brady’s current state of Zen.

PATRIOTS 28 BENGALS 21

CHIEFS AT RAIDERS

The Raiders are the Showbiz Pizza Place of the 2016 NFL season. A top 5 fantasy quarterback, two top 10 wide receivers and three running backs that by season’s end could all be fantasy viable. The Chiefs haven’t played in two weeks, failing to show up against the Steelers and then a Bye Week. The Raiders have given up more than 27 points four times this season. The Chiefs will have offensive success, but the Raiders stay hot. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Derek Carr, Amari Cooper, Alex Smith, Michael Crabtree.

food 80s pizza retro 1980s

RAIDERS 26 CHIEFS 24

FALCONS AT SEAHAWKS

Falcons give up 303 passing yards a game to quarterbacks. The Seahawks needed the Bye Week to heal up. Russell Wilson, hopefully healed, will light it up in Seattle. Can the Falcons keep the good vibes going and beat an elite defense two weeks in a row? This is the Fantasy game of the week. Sit back and enjoy. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Matt Ryan, Russell Wilson, Christine Michael, Doug Baldwin, Jimmy Graham, Julio Jones, Devonta Freeman, Tevin Coleman.

dancing baby sleeping beat when the beat drops    Snap out of that Sad Nap! We’re going to Downtown Points Town!

SEAHAWKS 37 FALCONS 35

COWBOYS AT PACKERS

The Cowboys are coming in with some a steady stream of momentum. It’s hard to enter the Dark Lord’s house and leave victorious.  Aaron Rodgers is 52-13 at home with 145 Tuddy’s and only 28 interceptions. He’s 34-31 on the road. Ezekiell Elliott is a fantasy monster, fulfilling the prophecies and dreams of summer. The Tuddy Guys are going to ride the Zeke train until they lose. Dan Bailey kicks a last second field goal. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Dak Prescott, Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson, Ezekiel Elliott.

politics tonight show joe biden shake weight jimmy fallon          Cowboys….. ‘Merica’s Team.

COWBOYS 21 PACKERS 20

COLTS AT TEXANS

These teams came into the season with some high expectations. It hasn’t quite worked out that way. The Colts can’t stop anyone and no one can stop Brock Osweiler because he’s doing the stopping all by himself. This is a crucial AFC South matchup. In the grand scheme of the season this game would rank right below “Don’t burn your toast” on the Crucial Meter. Can the Texans please GPS to Deandre Hopkins location please and pick him up? Despite usual traffic, the ball will still arrive to his hands. We promise. Trust him Brock and throw that rock. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Lamar Miller, Andrew Luck, T.Y. Hilton, Deandre Hopkins.

road trip waynes world headbanging rock music wayne “FOR THOSE ABOUT TO BROCK! WHAT ARE YOU THIIIIIN-KIIINNNNNNNG??”

TEXANS 16 COLTS 13

JETS AT CARDINALS

The Cards D is a great play against the Jets and Fitz-magic. The offense for the Jets is officially fucked up. Eric Decker is out for the year, Brandon Marshall is an outburst waiting to happen and they suddenly have forgotten that Forte needs to get the ball in space. The Cardinals may be in the process of changing their entire offensive philosophy from ‘Huck and Chuck’ to ‘Ground and Pound’. David Johnson! The Jets have allowed only one rushing Tuddy but have given up three receiving to running backs. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Larry Fitzgerald, David Johnson, Brandon Marshall.

beard “Dude, I throw you the ball 30 times a game. Just, don’t invade the space.”

CARDINALS 24 JETS 20

 

thank you so much for checking out tuddyguys.com! Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and ‘Like’ our Facebook page Tuddy Guys. Check out our past videos right here at tuddyguys.com or on youtube keyword……you get it. NOW GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TUDDY TAKE: WEEK BYE FIVE LOVE

October. The fantasy picture is becoming clearer by the day. Who we trust. Who we love. Who we hate. Who we will trade. Last week was a bounce back week for The Tuddy Guys, going 9-5 on our picks. It’s the first heavy Bye Week of the NFL season and some studs will be riding the bench. So let’s take a look at the match-ups and get your lineup feeling right and tight for Week 5!

BYE WEEKS: JAGUARS, SEAHAWKS, SAINTS, CHIEFS.

Some of you fantasy freaks will be without Drew Brees, Russell Wilson and Blake Bortles this week. Here are your top replacements for Week 5:

Carson Wentz EAGLES at LIONS: The Lions defense has allowed 12 passing Tuddy’s to opposing quarterbacks. Wentz has an excellent matchup to rack up some yards and maybe throw a Tuddy or two.

Brian Hoyer BEARS at COLTS: Last season Brian Hoyer went 24-31, 312 yards, two Tuddy’s and one interception against the Colts. It’s not like the Colts defense made any effort to get better. They somehow made efforts to get worse. Hoyer will put up solid numbers in Week 5.

Dak Prescott BENGALS AT COWBOYS: Prescott not in your lineup? He’s 9th among quarterbacks in fantasy and plays a Bengals secondary at home that has given up 10 Tuddy’s to passer’s through four games.

Onto the Games! TUDDY PICKS LAST WEEK: 9-5. SEASON RECORD 25-19

CARDINALS AT 49ERS

A lot depends on the availability of Carson Palmer. Carlos Hyde brings his five Tuddy September into October against a tough Cardinals defense. The 49ers have given up the fifth most rushing yards to opposing running backs-(translate)-David Johnson will have a huge game. Whoever plays quarterback. The Cardinals bite, scratch, claw and coach their way to a must win on Thursday night. FANTASY THUMBS UP: David Johnson, Carlos Hyde.

Cheezburger cat animals baby kids       Look, but don’t maul.

CARDINALS 24 49ERS 20

PATRIOTS AT BROWNS

Brady’s back! Brady’s back! The Browns have some sneaky fantasy pieces, with Isiah Crowell second in the NFL in rushing yards (394) and Terrelle Pryor looking like a fantasy stud more and more each week. On the other side? Brady’s back. Pats roll. Watch Tom breathe fire. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Terrelle Pryor, Isiah Crowell, Tom Brady, Julian Edelman, Martellus Bennett.

football new england patriots tom brady pumped up ne patriots      Somebody just found out he’s got avocado ice cream waiting for him at home.

PATRIOTS 31 BROWNS 14

EAGLES AT LIONS

The matchup for Carson Wentz has been illustrated above. This is an excellent matchup for returning tight end Zach Ertz. The Lions have been beaten by opposing tight ends for six Tuddy’s already this season. Wentz will sustain drives while the Lions will score but Matt Stafford will struggle against an Eagles defense that has been a nightmare for opposing quarterbacks. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Carson Wentz, Ryan Matthews, Zach Ertz, Marvin Jones Jr.

celebration philadelphia eagles carson wentz jordan matthews classy celebration      An Officer and a Wentzleman

EAGLES 34 LIONS 24

BEARS AT COLTS

The Colts are terrible, they’re on a short week, they’re going to be jet lagged blah, blah blah. Andrew Luck is still seventh in fantasy for quarterbacks. As long as Luck keeps chucking the rock, the Bears will have trouble slowing down the Colts in Indy. The Bears cling to leads and the Colts chase them. This will be close. Luckily, for the Bears, the Colts have allowed 24.6 fantasy points a game to running backs, per NFL.com. Jordan Howard should have another strong week, the perfect recipe for the Bears to pick up another win. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Brian Hoyer, Andrew Luck, Jordan Howard.

football forum fan johnson luck              Life is good when you get 100 million to have your shit kicked in every week.

BEARS 24 COLTS 21

TITANS AT DOLPHINS

Demarco Murray is back. The Dolphins have given up the fourth most rushing yards to opposing running backs. He IS the Titans offense right now as they struggle to find receivers that can’t get separation. The Dolphins have only one interception on the season. This is must win, desperate territory for the Dolphins at home and Ryan Tannenhill can toss a strong game once a month. This is one of those weeks. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Demarco Murray, Marcus Mariota, Jarvis Landry.

dancing tumblr jack nicholson ace ventura woot        The last remains of the Ryan Tannenhill cheering section.

DOLPHINS 19 TITANS 17

WASHINGTON D.C.’S AT RAVENS

Washington’s run defense has been a disaster. They’ve given up 715 all purpose yards and seven Tuddy’s to running backs already this season. Terrence West had a solid fantasy day last week, racking up 111 yards and a Tuddy. The Ravens win this one by controlling the clock, kicking field goals and Flacco being boring the whole game except for one play where he hurls the ball down field and Steve Smith Sr. punches two guys in the face and then catches the ball. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Jordan Reed, Terrence West, Steve Smith Sr., Mike Wallace.

face punch surprise punchThe X Factor punch xfactor face punch x factorface punch punch reflexesface punch reaction punch hermione grangerface punch reaction punch the hand that rocks the cradle

RAVENS 28 WASHINGTON 22

TEXANS AT VIKINGS

Two teams that will run the ball. The Texans defense has been a black hole for opposing quarterbacks, allowing only one passing Tuddy all season and a 52% completion percentage. The Vikings D will control the game and the key to a Texans win will be if Lamar Miller can find the end zone against a D that has only allowed one rushing Tuddy. It won’t be enough. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Texans D, Vikings D, Jerrick McKinnon, Lamar Miller.

defense offense    Not a lot of ‘Defense Gifs’. So we settled on the most fucked up gif possible.

VIKINGS 20 TEXANS 10

JETS AT STEELERS

Ryan Fitzpatrick has 10 interceptions. In only four games. Do the math on how many he’s projected to finish with. Maybe he’s gotten his ‘diarrhea of the hand’ out of his system and will bounce back in Pittsburgh. This is a bad time to play the Steelers. Bell is back, Brown is still ‘Boomin’ and The Tuddy Guy’s aren’t sure if Big Ben has had this type of awesome offensive pieces to choose from since that one time in college he bought a 250 piece of fried chicken from KFC. For just himself. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Ben Roesthlisberger, Leveon Bell, Antonio Brown, Sammie Coates, Matt Forte, Brandon Marshall.

face year waiting brown next         What KFC did to Brown’s Chicken and Pasta in the 1990’s.

STEELERS 34 JETS 20

FALCONS AT BRONCOS

Matt Ryan is still the number one quarterback in fantasy. By, like, a lot right now. Thats what playing the Saints and then backing that up by throwing for 500 yards will do for you. It also helps having Julio “Madden character playing in real life” Jones. This week, there’s a roadblock ahead for this Falcons fantasy freight train. The Broncos have given up the fourth fewest passing yards to opposing quarterback’s, they lead the NFL in sacks (17) and defensive scores (2). The Falcons are hot right now, Julio Jones is unstoppable but those Bronco D numbers are the perfect ingredients to Matt Ryan’s Multi Layered Pick-6 Casserole. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Julio Jones, Demaryius Thomas, Emmanuel Sanders, C.J. Anderson.

images catch jones julio julio jones        Julio Jones taking a casual stroll in Wisconsin.

BRONCOS 24 FALCONS 17

BENGALS AT COWBOYS

Ezekiel Elliott leads the NFL with 412 rushing yards.  The key to the game will be how the Cowboys secondary slows down A.J. Green. The Cowboys can win if the game is Jeremy Hill V Elliott. If Dak Prescott can continue to limit mistakes and keep the chains moving, the Bengals come up short. Andy Dalton melts down in Dallas. FANTASY THUMBS UP: A.J. Green, Ezekiell Elliott, Jeremy Hill.

jones jerry chris christie           “And Dan Bailey’s kick…..is good!!!…….Again.”

COWBOYS 17 BENGALS 14

BILLS AT RAMS

The Bills have won two in a row. The Rams have perfected the art of getting the opposing team to play their brand of football. Low scoring and boring. Both teams defenses have been tough on opposing quarterbacks. Aaron Donald on the Rams is a force. The good times keep rolling in LA and the Rams win another ugly game. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Tavon Austin, Todd Gurley, Lesean McCoy.

dallas winston   They score points in football right?????

RAMS 16 BILLS 9

CHARGERS AT RAIDERS

Two top ten fantasy quarterbacks on teams going in different directions. The key to this one is the matchup between number two fantasy running back Melvin Gordon attempting to run through a god awful Oakland rush defense. They’ve already allowed almost 500 yards to running backs and Gordon leads the NFL with six Tuddy’s. The Chargers again will be apart of a game that features a lot of points and then the Chargers blow it. Michael Crabtree is tied for the lead with all NFL receivers with four Tuddy’s.  FANTASY THUMBS UP: Phillip Rivers, Derek Carr, Melvin Gordon, Travis Benjamin, Amari Cooper, Michael Crabtree.

sports football nfl philadelphia eagles san diego chargers       Phillips Rivers: Always down to fight. And then lose.

RAIDERS 41 CHARGERS 35

GIANTS AT PACKERS

Where art thou Odell? Are ye screaming at flies for landing on your pancakes or crying on the sidelines because the bad men on the other team hath hurt your feelings? Maybe it’s those lecherous refs, leering eyes keenly watching your every move with judgement and suspicion. Dude! You’re one of the best in the game! Playing sports as a kid a Tuddy Guy could pick out the star players by how they carried themselves. Like they knew something we didn’t. Dark Lord Rodgers has it in spades. The Packers secondary is a mess but will force Eli Manning into a few mistakes. Odell will flash some positive signs on Sunday night. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson, Eli Manning, Odell Beckham Jr.

crying      Odell, meet your spirit animal: Tobey Maguire.

PACKERS 27 GIANTS 23

BUCCANEERS AT PANTHERS

Cam is also dealing with a concussion and, as of now, looks like he won’t suit up. The Tuddy Guys still like the Panthers in this one. The Panthers D has been a disappointment through four games but this game at home against a sophomore slumping Jameis Winston is a huge opportunity to get a win. The Buccaneers D has already given up nine Tuddy’s to wide receivers. The Panthers are tied for third in the NFL with five interceptions and Winston has already thrown eight. Under the bright lights, the Panthers win. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Kelvin Benjamin, Greg Olsen, Mike Evans.

gross disgusted jack sparrow eww gag    Tampa Bay’s season tastes like……

PANTHERS 20 BUCCANEERS 7

 

thank you so much for checking out tuddyguys.com. Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and ‘Like’ our Facebook page Tuddy Guys. Subscribe to our youtube channel and check out past episodes! New episodes on the way! Please share this with your friends. Just one ‘share’ goes a long way…………..NOW GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!

TUDDY TAKE WEEK 4: FANTASY FORCE AWAKENS

Congratulations to the new father A.J. Green! 2o minutes after learning your new born child had arrived happy and healthy you went out and dropped 10 receptions, 173 yards and a Tuddy against the Dolphins. Congratulations ALSO is in order to The Tuddy Guy New Baby Theory. For years our belief is that whenever a player welcomes a child into their family and plays a game within 24 hours they put up monster numbers. Doug Martin’s four Tuddy game in 2o12 is proud of you A.J.. Thanks for keeping the tradition alive!

Last week The Tuddy Guys got demolished on our picks 6-9. It wasn’t for the feint of heart out there in Week 3 but that won’t stop us from taking chances in Week 4.

BYE WEEKS: PACKERS AND EAGLES

There aren’t too many people who took Carson Wentz as their starting quarterback in fantasy so The Tuddy Guys are going to assume you’ve got that covered. But for those of you who have Aaron Rodgers, consider these replacements:

1. Trevor Semien vs Buccaneers. The Bucs have allowed 7-1 Tuddy’s to interceptions. They also are allowing almost 32 points a game to receivers. Even on the road, Semien is poised for a productive day.

2. Joe Flacco at home vs the Raiders. The Raiders D already has been torched for over 1,000 passing yards by opposing quarterbacks. Flacco can chuck the rock a long way.

3. (If you’re desperate) Dak Prescott at 49ers OR Blaine Gabbert vs. Cowboys. This game should be a grind fest but two lackluster defenses offer plenty of opportunities.

TUDDY SEASON PICKS : 16-14. On to the games! Let’s get ’em right!

COLTS AT JAGUARS

Allen Robinson has been targeted 32 times for only 15 receptions through three games. That’s just one of the many ingredients in the current batch of Blake Bortles Hate Soup.  The game is in London. Bortles already has six interceptions. This could be a disaster for the London Jaguars. Thankfully they play the Colts, a team that keeps teams in games like a kid who can’t help inviting the entire school to their birthday party. Even the asshole that kicked their ass over an Ecto-Cooler juice box. They’re a glutton for punishment. The London Factor: there will be at least 3 interceptions on the board before most of us even wake up on Sunday. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Allen Robinson, T.Y. Hilton, Andrew Luck.

ew grumpy angry annoyed watching      Good morning Clint? Can I get you a hot cup of interceptions?

COLTS 28 JAGUARS 21

TITANS AT TEXANS

Two teams already doing the doggie paddle in the deep end of the 2016 NFL season. The Titans haven’t scored more than 16 points in a game this year. The Texans just put J.J. Watt on IR with a bad back. This game will be decided by two runnings games that rank in the top half of the NFL through three games. Demarco Murray has quietly had an excellent start, racking up 377 all purpose yards. Lamar Miller, thanks to 74 carries, is as good as advertised. Miller didn’t see his 74th carry until Week 7 of last year. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Demarco Murray, Lamar Miller.

dog summer swimming pug   That’s it, you’ll be at 8-8 before you know it little guy!

TEXANS 16 TITANS 13

BROWNS AT WASHINGTON D.C’S

Washington wins, but it’s another ugly one against an awful Browns team. Waiver wire pickup of the week Jamison Crowder already has seven red zone targets. Desean Jackson should be poised for a huge game. Kirk Cousins plays within the 20’s and leads his squad to a ton of field goals. In Browns news, Terrelle Pryor is coming off an explosive game. Wide receiver Josh Gordon also has checked himself into rehab the week before his suspension ends. And the hits just keeeep on comin’ for Cleveland. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Dustin Hopkins, Desean Jackson, Terelle Pryor.

fans react browns trade trent   Browns fans wake up like this.

WASHINGTON D.C.’S 29 BROWNS 20

SEAHAWKS AT JETS

The Seahawks haven’t given up a Tuddy to opposing quarterbacks thus far in the young season. Ryan Fitzpatrick last week handed out interceptions like they were copies of his Mumford and Sons cover band album.  Brandon Marshall has been targeted 29 times in 2016 but has only 13 receptions, a less than 45 percent completion percentage. Marshall will stay silent only so long. In fantasy, but also verbally. On the other side, the Jets defense has seen 54 targets thrown to wide receivers and have allowed 38 receptions. Russell Wilson will be hobbled in this game and he still will play better than Fitzpatrick. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Christine Michael, Jimmy Graham.

movie nfl seahawks seattle seahawks heroin    Pete Carroll: protecting the kids. Can’t protect Russell Wilson.

SEAHAWKS 14 JETS 9

BILLS AT PATRIOTS

The Bills have surrendered the second most Tuddy’s to running backs with five. Who starts at quarterback for the Patriots? Larry Bird? Drew Bledsoe? Does it even matter? Weird stat: the Patriots have only allowed one made field goal so far in 2016. The Bills play this one close and squeeze out a victory thanks to a strong red zone game from Lesean McCoy. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Lesean McCoy, Lagarette Blount, Julian Edelman.

reasons tom same person tom brady     Cheer up Pats fans. Guess who’s coming baaaaaaaack ……………

BILLS 19 PATRIOTS 17

PANTHERS AT FALCONS

The Falcons have an excellent 1-2 punch in the backfield. Matt Ryan is currently the number one quarterback in fantasy per NFL.com. The Falcons offense is averaging 448 yards of total offense a game. The problem is their defense gives up 433 a game. The Panthers are 1-2 and banged up at running back. They need this one has much as you could ‘need’ a game in September. Paging Fozzy Whitaker: Falcons D has given up over 500 all purpose yards and four Tuddy’s to opposing backs through three games. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Devonta Freeman, Cam Newton, Matt Ryan, Tevin Coleman, Fozzy Whitaker, Greg Olsen, Kelvin Benjamin.

fun excited weird old grandma    Joey and Dave checking our fantasy scores during this game.

PANTHERS 37 FALCONS 31

RAIDERS AT RAVENS

Amari Cooper already has 270 receiving yards. For perspective, Cooper has been targeted 34 times and has only 16 completions. Connecting with your best receiver less than 50 percent of the time isn’t good. The 3-0 Ravens will have trouble keeping up with the Raiders firepower. Tight end Dennis Pitta leads the Ravens in receptions. The only thing the Ravens have going for them is a coaching staff and veteran players that can sneak up on a young Raiders team still trying to decide whether they’re good or not. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Amari Cooper, Mike Wallace, Dennis Pitta, Derek Carr.

beetlejuice      Underdressed Raiders fan.

RAIDERS 27 RAVENS 19

LIONS AT BEARS

The urge here is to unleash a bitch-fest. About Jay, GM Ryan Pace and how I’d rather chug piping hot milk than watch Jim Caldwell and John Fox try and “out-coach” each other. A few stats: The Bears defense has 12 fantasy points. All season. Bad? The Lions defense has nine. The Lions have already surrendered 10 Tuddy’s to quarterbacks. The Bears are in the bottom half of total offensive yards a game (27th), passing yards (23rd), rushing yards (30th) and points per scored (30th). The Bears can’t go winless ALL SEASON and they’ve lost six straight against the Lions. Matt Stafford is the number 3 quarterback in fantasy right now. Marvin Jones will most certainly get his in this one. Then take some more. But it’s impossible to trust the Lions, so the Bears sneak one out this week……psyche! FANTASY THUMBS UP: Marvin Jones Jr., Matt Stafford, Jordan Howard.

dumb       You can’t escape the TV Bears fan. No one is safe.

LIONS 34 BEARS 17

BRONCOS AT BUCCANEERS

As mentioned before, this is a strong game for Trevor Semien. The Buccaneers D is nothing special and Semien is coming off a four Tuddy performance. Emmanuel Sanders, after a enormous fantasy week, now has eight red zone targets. The Broncos defense gives Jameis Winston problems at home and the Broncos winning ways continue in Tampa. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Mike Evans, Trevor Semien, C.J. Anderson, Emmanuel Sanders, Demaryius Thomas.

Madden Giferator denver broncos broncos maddengiferator von miller      Von Miller Time.

BRONCOS 27 BUCCANEERS 16

RAMS AT CARDINALS

This game could be a mess. The Cardinals are searching for an identity and the Rams are still searching for the ancient destination some call “The End Zone”. Carson Palmer has been inconsistent at best. The only chemistry he has right now is with Larry Fitzgerald. Michael Floyd has been targeted 23 times and has only 9 receptions. That’s a completion percentage of 39%. John Brown has disappeared. David Johnson is second on the team with 10 receptions. Look at us, so rude and disrespectful. The Rams offense would kill for any of these things were talking about: receptions, gaining yards, an offense. The Cards win, but all the kinks aren’t ironed out yet. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Larry Fitzgerald, David Johnson.

frustrated jim carrey attorney liar liar spit take       Carson drops back, throws to an open receiver……overthrown!

CARDINALS 23 RAMS 9

SAINTS AT CHARGERS

The Saints defense has scored three points. Like, for the entire season so far. Here you are sir! One fantasy point for your coffers! Now scamper home to your folks before a plague ridden rat bites you! I think it’s safe to say Phillip Rivers is a must start. The Tuddy Guys aren’t big fans of Brees on the road. But in San Diego, an afternoon start time and a chance to kick the shit out of the team that drafted him has us feeling confident. Brees continues his hot start but Rivers gets the win. The Saints have given up seven total Tuddy’s to opposing running backs. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Drew Brees, Phillips Rivers, Melvin Gordon, Brandin Cooks.

stop rivers sucking philip   River-dance.

CHARGERS 38 SAINTS 28

COWBOYS AT 49ERS

Looks like the Cowboys will be without Dez Bryant and on the other side Jerry Rice no longer plays for the 49ers. This screams of a ground it out, clock controlling, field goal, limit the turnovers snooze fest of a game. There will be a ton of short yardage third down situations. Ezekiell Elliott and Carlos Hyde are both coming off strong fantasy weeks. This will continue. The big key will be Dak Prescott’s red zone offense. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Ezekiel Elliott, Carlos Hyde, Cole Beasely, Dan Bailey.

football sports nfl denver broncos dallas cowboys     Everybody loves those field goals!

COWBOYS 16 49ERS 14

CHIEFS AT STEELERS

Chiefs have eight interceptions so far this season. More reasons for the Steelers to be scared? The Chiefs live off of converting third downs. The Steelers have only sacked the quarterback once this season. They also got their doors blown off by the Eagles last week. Reasons for the Chiefs to be scared? The Steelers got embarrassed last week and they’ll be mighty pissed off. They’ll also be welcoming the return of Leveon Bell. Bell is a legit Top 10 Fantasy Force. The Chiefs have given up the 11th most fantasy points to running backs, per NFL.com. Between Antonio Brown AND Leveon Bell on the same team, it’s hard to bet against the Steelers. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Ben Roesthlisberger, Travis Kelce, Leveon Bell, Antonio Brown.

nfl celebration vikings touchdown steelers      If you have forgotten the tricks of Leveon Bell’s trade. A reminder.

STEELERS 28 CHIEFS 27

GIANTS AT VIKINGS

The Vikings have 15 sacks, five interceptions and five forced fumbles. Heck, those are three of Eli Manning’s favorite things! Every year there comes a fantasy defense out of nowhere that’s so formidable they become a weekly stay away. Minnesota is that team moving forward. They’re fast, well coached and brimming with pissed off confidence. The Giants could hang in this one if Odell decides to stop getting into fights with kicking nets and put up some fantasy numbers ‘Odell Style’ FANTASY THUMBS UP: Vikings D, Odell Beckham Jr., Stefon Diggs

FOX Sports: Watch. Enjoy. Repeat. tv funny dance football     It’s been one hell of a Sunday. Time for an ice cold Odell Style!

VIKINGS 17 GIANTS 13

 

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TUDDY TAKE: WEEK 3 AND THE CASE OF THE BROKEN RB’S

Week 2 delivered some good news, some bad news and some news so bad Huey Lewis wouldn’t even read. The bad news was the Week 2 slate of games was as unpredictable as a character in a movie played by Ben Foster. The Saints/Giants fantasy-fest turned into a slumber party. Russel Wilson and the Seahawks scored three points. Tyrod Taylor cracked the fantasy top 5.

The ‘So Bad’ news is fantasy freaks took everywhere some serious hits at running back. Arian Foster, Doug Martin, Adrian Peterson, Thomas Rawls, Ameer Abdullah, Danny Woodhead, Jeremy Langford. Langford didn’t get hurt, but still. All of these guys are either missing serious time or they’re done for the season. The Tuddy Guys understand, your fantasy train was chugging along. Then it did this:

boy

The good news! Being wrong is ok. Wrong about our cheat sheets, our rankings, our predictions. It’s ok to be wrong from time to time. It keeps The Tuddy Guy humble. It doesn’t usually arrive until October, but the sting of humble pie the NFL has served can be viewed as a good thing. It’s only Week 3. Antonio Brown got the stinker out of the way. There’s a fresh crop of running backs that have to get touches simply out of necessity. It’s tough to read who emerges this week but after this Sunday it’s high time to hitch ourselves to some new RB wagons. Choose wisely.

Onto the games! (Tuddy Guys picks went 10-5  in Week 2)

CARDINALS AT BILLS

The Bills D has been brutal. They’ve already given up 536 yards to receivers through the first two games. The Cardinals are still in the process of finding their groove. Not expecting a monster game from David Johnson, but he will continue to do David Johnson things. The big question in this one is which Cardinals defense shows to try and stop the one man improv that is Tyrod Taylor when he ventures outside of the pocket. FANTASY THUMBS UP: David Johnson, Carson Palmer, Tyrod Taylor, Michael Floyd, Larry Fitzgerald.

nfl new york jets rex ryan man eyes

CARDINALS 37 BILLS 24

RAIDERS AT TITANS

The Raiders are giving it up in the air. This is a big opportunity for Marcus Mariota to have himself a nice day. The Raiders are allowing almost 30 fantasy points a game and have given up seven Tuddy’s to opposing quarterbacks, per NFL.com. They also have allowed an average of almost 44 points to receivers. Per game! Mariota will put up the numbers but fall short winning this one. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Marcus Mariota, Tajae Sharpe, Amari Cooper, Delanie Walker.

images fans raiders

RAIDERS 24 TITANS 23

WASHINGTON D.C.’S AT N.Y. GIANTS

Last week the Giants did Giants things. Instill fantasy confidence and then snatch it away. Washington has a Kirk Cousins problem. Cousins has only one Tuddy and three picks. There’s enough weapons on the Washington offense to fight the Foot Clan. So what happens in this divisional matchup? The matchup of Josh Norman covering Odell Beckham Jr. will tell the tale. Last year Beckham got shut down by the Panthers and Norman and let’s just say the two of them won’t be splitting apps and dining out any time soon. The Tuddy guess here is Beckham wins the battle and the Giants win the game. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Odell Beckham Jr., Desean Jackson, Jordan Reed, Sterling Shepard.

deal with it odell beckham jr ny giants nygiants football

GIANTS 31 WASHINGTON D.C’S 16

BROWNS AT DOLPHINS

Get your tickets! White hot tickets to an NFL game! Seriously, just giving these away! No? The Browns are an embarrassment of riches. Did I say riches? I meant dog shit. The Dolphins, also, are simply not very good. Jarvis Landry, thank goodness, still is. The Browns have given up 275+ passing yards in the first two games and Miami desperately needs a feel good game. Feel on Adam Gase, feel on. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Jarvis Landry, Gary Barnidge.

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DOLPHINS 21 BROWNS 13

RAVENS AT JAGUARS

One of the tougher games to pick in Week 3. Is Blake Bortles a garbage yard quarterback? He’s been rotting hot garbage in the first half of games and the start Allen Robinson has had to his fantasy season makes a Tuddy Guy reachin’ for the bottle. The Ravens, on the other side, don’t care how they win their games as long as they win them. That’s always a scary proposition in fantasy. Thankfully Mike Wallace has emerged as a player worth owning and possibly starting. But The Tuddy Guys say pump the brakes just a bit. Wallace is the 6th ranked wide receiver in fantasy. On 12 targets. He can’t score a Tuddy every game. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Mike Wallace, Dennis Pitta, Allen Hurns.

jaguars jacksonville regis jaguarsregis

JAGUARS 23 RAVENS 17

LIONS AT PACKERS

This is usually a game the Packers would dominate. The Lions would fuck up, Dark Lord Rodgers has three Tuddy’s by halftime and the Lambeau faithful breathe easy. This time around it will be close and low scoring. Marvin Jones has been an early surprise in fantasy. He’s tied for 4th in targets with 21 and Matt Stafford has been efficient and effective through two games. He’s the 7th best quarterback in fantasy right now and has tossed almost 200 more yards than D.L. Rodgers. Can the Lions win this one??? FANTASY THUMBS UP: Theo Riddick, Matt Stafford, Marvin Jones Jr., Aaron Rodgers.

yes elf peter dinklage yes gif miles finch

LIONS 30 PACKERS 23

BRONCOS AT BENGALS

The Bengals offense is struggling. The pieces they’re missing in the passing game are killing them. The Broncos D is still rolling, a unit so scary they’d make a great Halloween costume. The Bengals won’t have to deal with Antonio Brown this week but can the Bengals D finally give Trevor Semien a crash course in “Welcome to the NFL?” The Broncos will have a hard time moving the ball and the Bengals score enough to win at home. FANTASY THUMBS UP: A.J. Green, Jeremy Hill.

peyton manning

BENGALS 14 BRONCOS 9

VIKINGS AT PANTHERS

No Bridgewater. No AP. No chance this week. Minnesota’s D is fantastic and a true fantasy sleeper. But it’s impossible to rally a group that’s reeling from injuries in Carolina against Cam. Cam will make his mistakes in this game and will have one of his quieter fantasy stat lines. The Panthers, however, take control and work the ground game to a convincing win. Meanwhile the Vikings can just helplessly sit back and monitor this for the next three months: FANTASY THUMBS UP: Greg Olsen, Kelvin Benjamin, Stefon Diggs.

adrian peterson water aerobics football nfl vikings

PANTHERS 26 VIKINGS 10

RAMS AT BUCCANEERS

The Buccaneers delivered on the premonition from last week’s ‘Tuddy Take’ that they were dangerous. In the Maverick gets Goose killed kind of way. Jameis Winston kept throwing, kept driving, kept playing. The Rams D has given up the 7th fewest points to quarterbacks in the first two games. They had Russell Wilson running for his life last week. On the other side, a moment of silence for Todd Gurley owners out there…………we’re praying for you. The Rams offense is a lasagna of ineptitude. Many layers. Fun stat! If you haven’t noticed, Mike Evans is leading the league in targets. Because of that, Bucs win. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Mike Evans.

images mike evans mike evans

BUCCANEERS 20 RAMS 10

49ERS AT SEAHAWKS

Deja vu. The Seahawks offense destroyed fantasy rosters all across America the first five weeks of the 2015 season. Why fellas? Of course we’re going to hang onto you, fuck, even keep starting you in our lineups! Don’t get us wrong, we LOVE the highs. But do the lows have to be so blow-up-my-fantasy-season-in-the-first-month terrible? It’s hard for The Tuddy Guys to encourage the behavior that is starting Seahawks because no one on the planet knows when/if they’re going to turn it on. Wild guess? Christine Michael solidifies his place as the number one running back and Wilson hands the ball off. Then hands the ball off. Then hands it off. Then a running play. Then a field goal. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Christine Michael, Carlos Hyde, Vance McDonald, Steven Hauschka.

running run forrest gump run forrest

SEAHAWKS 19 49ERS 10

JETS AT CHIEFS

This is a fun one. The Chiefs are good. They know how to win and their offensive weapons are solid fantasy contributors. The Jets have fantasy All-Stars running up and down their lineup. So who wins? The Chiefs are at home and Ryan Fitzpatrick still is capable of having a ‘Fitz-magic’ moment. As in, have a melt down. Another close one comes down to the Chiefs keeping the offense on the field and a costly Fit-magic mistake. Temper your enthusiasm for Matt Forte this week. Jeremy Maclin is coming off a game where he saw 15 targets. Just sayin’. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Jeremy Maclin, Travis Kelcie, Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker.

FOX Sports: Watch. Enjoy. Repeat. funny sports football nfl

CHIEFS 21 JETS 20

CHARGERS AT COLTS

Let the interceptions begin! Can I offer anyone a tray of penalty flags? Perhaps some crucial mistakes? This game will have it all. Phillip Rivers is off to a good start and this is must-have for the Colts. Andrew Luck and Rivers will both have solid days and expect Tuddy’s in this one. As much as I’m enjoying the hilarious moxie of Rivers and the Chargers, the Colts absolutely cannot lose this one. This game could be bursting at the fantasy seams for points. FANTASY THUMBS UP: T.Y. Hilton, Andrew Luck, Phillip Rivers, Melvin Gordon, Antonio Gates.

film queue 4 chris farley david spade

COLTS 24 CHARGERS 23

STEELERS AT EAGLES

Carson Wentz, meet Ben Roesthlisberger. Maybe one day you can be a two time Super Bowl champ, have a cool nickname (thumbs down to Wentzlvania) and have a sandwich named after you. But this week, you’re out of your league. To be fair, Wentz looks the part of a future star. The pre-snap calls and check outs, a missile for a right arm and the longest arms The Tuddy Guys have ever seen on a quarterback. Just not this week. The Steelers are in a good place and their D hits HARD. The Eagles are feeling a little too good about themselves. Look, we’re Bears fans. We know we got housed. We suck. But let’s chill out on lubing a dude up who threw for 190 passing yards against a Bears D that lost four starters during the game. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Jordan Matthews, Antonio Brown, Ben Roeshtlisberger, Deangelo Williams.

internet memes hit ben after

STEELERS 31 EAGLES 20

BEARS AT COWBOYS

Hey, speaking of those Bears! It’s Brian and the Boys taking on Dallas at home on Sunday night. Brian Hoyer is an excellent backup. So in fantasy speak, he’s probably ranked somewhere in the 30’s. It’s a battle of the backups, a quarterback the Bears passed on three times IN THE SAME ROUND in Dak Prescott and Brian “I’m banned from Houston” Hoyer. We’re eternal Bears optimists……..and we even don’t like the outlook on this one. Dez Bryant and Ezekiell Elliott get theirs and the Cowboys control the game. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Dez Bryant, Jason Witten, Ezekiel Elliott.

worried morgan freeman upset

COWBOYS 27 BEARS 10

FALCONS AT SAINTS

Classic Monday night matchup. Five years ago, this game was dynamite. Drew Brees at his apex, Matt Ryan the star of the future. There used to be fantasy points a plenty. Well, welcome back 2011! Both teams defenses have displayed zero indications of preventing the opposing team from scoring at will. Fun Brees facts: He is 15-6 lifetime against the Falcons. He’s a homer, throwing 254 Tuddy’s and 99 picks at home. On the road, he’s only 179 Tuddy’s and 106 picks. Brees is a must start in New Orleans. This week is a huge fantasy litmus test for Tevin Coleman owners and whether he can emerge as a true starter in most leagues. FANTASY THUMBS UP: Tevin Coleman, Drew Brees, Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Willie Snead, Brandin Cooks.

SAINTS 35 FALCONS 28

 

Thank you for checking out tuddyguys.com! Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and ‘Like’ our Facebook page Tuddy Guys. Check out past episodes in the video section above or go to youtube.com and type in Tuddy Guys! GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TUDDY TAKE: WEEK 1 THOUGHTS WEEK 2 DREAMS

If you’re talking about the 2016 NFL season Lord of Rohan, The Tuddy Guys are with you every histrionic delivery of every line of dialogue step of the way!

Three pinwheels, six meatballs, one terrible Bears second half and 423 more reasons reminding us Drew Brees can still be a fantasy fireworks display later, Week 1 is in the books. For the record, the meatballs were amazing. There so many other things that stood out: the close games, those meatballs, the home losses, the way the Rams defied conventional thought of how a team could suck. The sad nap after the Bears lost.

A few things to keep an eye on the next few weeks fantasy freaks:

  1. Back to Drew Brees: He shredded the Raiders, tossing four Tuddy’s, one of the 98 yard variety. Thank you Brees and Brandin Cooks for making fantasy football worth living. Can he keep it up? The Tuddy Guys doubt he’s going to transform into the Brees of 2011, but any game that the Saints play at home is a must-start-no-doubt-sit-back-enjoy-the-points-plosion.
  2. Role Call: Welcome you fresh faced fantasy celebrities! You might recognize them as the guys you glared into the TV on Sunday and hissed: who’s that dude NOT on my team scoring all those points?! Can they handle the bright lights?

Eagles QB Carson Wentz flashed some talent in his Week 1 victory over the Browns. It’s just hard to get too excited over anyone that torches the Browns. Pretty sure 75% of their team is comprised of softball players that just now are realizing they’re not playing the sport softball.

Raiders RB Jalen Richard is a tough case. He looked magically delicious catching the ball from Derek Carr. He’s also stuck in a log jam backfield that will take weeks to figure out its hierarchy. Richard, for now, is still at the back of the line. Texans WR Will Fuller is the most intriguing option. He is lightning fast and already is making plays and catching Tuddy’s. Titans WR Tajae Sharpe also piques the interest, who didn’t post a stellar fantasy stat line, but firmly established himself as the no. 1 target of Marcus Mariota.

3: Running back up the truck- It was a tough week for RB’s that were drafted in the first few rounds. The top 5 RB’s for Week 1 (Deangelo Williams, C.J. Anderson, Spencer Ware, Theo Riddick and Carlos Hyde) did not go in anyone’s first round. David Johnson had a nice Week 1 but after that a lot of fantasy teams were breaking dishes over the output of their top RB’s. Here’s to hoping the Todd Gurley’s, Adrian Peterson’s and Ezekiell Elliott’s of the world turn it around fast. Or just save yourself the trouble and get in those sweatpants now and brace for the tears.

sad baby crying eating unhappy

Let’s get to the Week 2 games!  Plus some fantasy predictions along the way………..

JETS AT BILLS

The Bills D played tough but still surrendered a back breaking 66 yard Tuddy to Mike Wallace last week against the Ravens. This is where Brandon Marshall comes in. Marshall delivers the goods in fantasy and the Jets stifle Tyrod Taylor and the Bills. MUST START: Brandon Marshall, Lesean McCoy, Matt Forte, Sammy Watkins.

TUDDY PICK: JETS 27 BILLS 17

49ERS AT PANTHERS

Chip Kelly’s wielding the magic wand. No more happy thoughts after the Panthers home opener. Their offense simply can’t keep up with Cam. Blaine Gabbert throws passes into the willing arms of Panthers defenders. Panthers dominate. MUST START: Cam Newton, Kelvin Benjamin, Greg Olsen, Carlos Hyde.

TUDDY PICK: PANTHERS 30 49ERS 13

COWBOYS AT REDSKINS

Welcome to the real life version of the upcoming movie ‘The Disappointments Room”. Both teams have a lot to prove after lackluster openers. The Cowboys will try and feed Ezekiel Elliott and Kirk Cousins will try and get his groove back. Both are not sure things. MUST START: Ezekiel Elliott, Dez Bryant, Jordan Reed.

TUDDY PICK: REDSKINS 20 COWBOYS 16

BENGALS AT STEELERS

Both teams flexed and twerked their way to impressive victories. A.J. Green and Antonio Brown represent one of the best WR match-ups you’ll ever see. The problem is these games, historically, are nasty and obnoxiously low scoring. Both teams will drive the ball with regularity. Then kick a ton of field goals. MUST STARTS: Antonio Brown, Deangelo Williams, A.J. Green.

Why watch? Oh, just this guy…….

season win cowboys antonio brown

TUDDY PICK: STEELERS 13 BENGALS 10

SAINTS AT GIANTS

Now we’re talking. The Tuddy Guys aren’t buying into this revamped Giants D just yet and Drew Brees is coming off a vintage Brees Tuddy bonanza. Expect a high scoring game that once again finds the Saints coming up short. Let the fantasy points reign! MUST START: Drew Brees, Eli Manning, Odell Beckham Jr., Brandin Cooks, Willie Snead.

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TUDDY PICK: GIANTS 38 SAINTS 28

DOLPHINS AT PATRIOTS

Jimmy G and the P’s come home to face a Dolphins offense that has a huge anchor around its neck named Ryan Tannenhill. This game could be closer than most might think and Adam Gase designs games that keep his teams in all four quarters. The Patriots make enough plays to win. MUST START: Julian Edelman, Arian Foster, Jarvis Landry.

TUDDY PICK: PATRIOTS 23 DOLPHINS 17

CHIEFS AT TEXANS

The Texans have offensive weapons. The guy chucking it around the field is a work in progress. Luckily the Texans D rounded into shape, dominating the Bears makeshift offensive line. Alex Smith will need time to find his receivers and sustain drives. This would be a huge win for the Chiefs on the road. MUST START: Spencer Ware, Travis Kelce, Lamar Miller, Will Fuller, Deandre Hopkins.

TUDDY PICK: CHIEFS 24 TEXANS 23

TITANS AT LIONS

What the hell are the Titans doing on offense? What the hell was Matt Stafford doing running a functioning one last week? It’ early, but the Lions looked pretty smooth. Theo Riddick and Ameer Abdullah flashed an excellent 1-2 combo. Lions are missing a no. 1 WR. But they have three great 2’s in Marvin Jones, Golden Tate and Anquan Boldin. MUST START: Theo Riddick, Matt Stafford, Tajae Sharpe.

TUDDY PICK: LIONS 22 TITANS 13

RAVENS AT BROWNS

Cops: Reloaded. Synopsis: A man drives through yards to evade officers in Fort Worth TX. A man fights with mother’s elderly boyfriend. The Tuddy Guys ARE NOT saying that episode airing on Sunday sounds more entertaining and watchable than Ravens vs. Browns. Ok, yes we are. MUST START: Gary Barnidge.

TUDDY PICK: RAVENS 16 BROWNS 9

SEAHAWKS AT RAMS

Russell Wilson is questionable. Believing the Rams are a good team is also listed as such. Yet, this is the first home game right here in Los Angeles and the Rams have a history of making the Seahawks bleed to earn their victories. This might be the biggest fantasy stay away game of the day. MUST START: Seahawks D. Steven Hauschka.

TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: SEAHAWKS 19 RAMS 10

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: SEAHAWKS 13 RAMS 6

BUCCANEERS AT CARDINALS

The Cardinals cannot afford to start 0-2. The Buccaneers are dangerous. Dangerous like a Friday night in a country song. Party hard, raise a little hell. Make huge, epic mistakes. The Tuddy Guys see a lot of fantasy points and a high scoring game. MUST START: Carson Palmer, Jameis Winston, David Johnson, Doug Martin, Mike Evans, Michael Floyd, Larry Fitzgerald.

TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: CARDINALS 37 BUCCANEERS 34

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: CARDINALS 28 BUCCANEERS 24

JAGUARS AT CHARGERS

Just when you count Phillip Rivers out, he fires up the arm and puts points on the board. The Jaguars played the Packers tough in Week 1 and a lot of people are going to like them to win this one. The Tuddy Guys are split on this one. The one thing we can agree on is that Rivers will take the field with a sack full of  screaming “Woo’s!!!!!!!” on the sidelines for the boys on Sunday. MUST START: Phillip Rivers, Allen Robinson, Allen Hurns, Danny Woodhead.

football nfl colts indianapolis colts reggie wayne

TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: CHARGERS 27 JAGUARS 26

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: JAGUARS 17 CHARGERS 14

FALCONS AT RAIDERS

Is the Raiders D any good? They didn’t quite inspire confidence as Brees carved them up Boston Market style. But…for New Orleans. We like Boston Market. The Tuddy Guys LOVE the emergence of Tevin Coleman in the passing game for the Falcons. This game stays close and then big plays by the Raiders D (Matty Ice pick 6) allows them to coast to a 2-0 start. MUST START: Amari Cooper, Tevin Coleman, Julio Jones.

TUDDY GUYS JOEY PICK: RAIDERS 28 FALCONS 7

TUDDY GUYS DAVE PICK: RAIDERS 31 FALCONS 21

COLTS AT BRONCOS

The Tuddy Guys forecast a few things happening: The Broncos control the clock, after a hot early scoring drive Andrew Luck throws a pick and the Colts somehow find a way to blow the game. This is a solid test for Trevor Semien. We’re not saying the Colts D is good, we’re saying that the matchup presents Semien with a great opportunity to have a strong outing. MUST START: C.J. Anderson, Emmanuel Sanders, Donte Moncrief.

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TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: BRONCOS 17 COLTS 14

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: BRONCOS 17 COLTS 14

(Tudddyyyyyyyy)………..

PACKERS AT VIKINGS

The Tuddy Guys are split on this one. If Bradford starts, the Vikings have enough on offense to support a defense that could make Dark Lord Rodgers night worse than a guest appearance on “The Bachelor”. On the other hand, Rodgers churns out first downs and dominates the entire game. It’s too early to identify the contenders from the pretenders but this game has major division implications. MUST START: Aaron Rodgers, Adrian Peterson, Jordy Nelson, Minnesota D.

TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: VIKINGS 24 PACKERS 23

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: PACKERS 31 VIKINGS 10

BEARS AT EAGLES

Finally! The Piece de Resistance! The game we’ve all been waiting for. Two juggernauts……ok, we’ll stop. Back in the spring when the schedule was released this game even garnered a, “Guh?” The Bears played an excellent first half against the Texans and then played like it was still the preseason in the second half. The Eagles played the Browns. That’s basically like a fifth preseason game. Carson Wentz has talent but will make mistakes. The Bears should win this one, Wentz will turn the ball over and this will confuse everyone in Chicago for the rest of the week. Get ready for a lot of this America!!!!!!

lol laughing laugh precious jay cutler

 

TUDDY GUY JOEY PICK: BEARS 19 EAGLES 14

TUDDY GUY DAVE PICK: BEARS 21 EAGLES 14

 

The Tuddy Guys gotta roll! Our Beardom is oozing onto the keyboard. Thank you so much for checking out tuddyguys.com. Follow us on twitter @tuddyguys and like our Facebook page! Check out our videos and subscribe at youtube.com/tuddyguys. NOW GO WIN THAT LEAGUE!!!!!!